Healing Hurts

I didn't love the anticipation waiting for my surgery to take my tonsils out, but it now has come and gone (but still lingering through the healing of coarse). It was originally suppose to be October 5. Then the office called saying my doctor was going out of town. It was changed to October 16. When that day came i called to get the details for my preparation but there had been a mistake. I was on the schedule as an office visit. I was rescheduled once again. I was a bit frustrated but very grateful that the secretary was able to get me in for Friday of that same week.

Andy took Friday off work and my mom came to watch Charlie. We left at 6:30 am. During the car ride Andy tried to calm my nerves by playing Mozart and telling me to think it was late at night (because it was dark outside) and we were just going to a hotel so i could sleep. That's all no worries. He was nice to help me not think about it. Because what gives me the most anxiety is wondering what they are going to do to me while i am sleeping.

We got there, filled out paperwork, got me prepped. The nurse was very nice. As the anesthesiologist and other nurse  came in to take me to the surgery room the anxiety kicked in a bit more. My knees and elbows started tingling, going numb. Then i couldn't help the tears as they pulled me away and i said goodbye to Andy. Everyone was so kind trying to help me feel calm. They told me over and over, "don't worry this is the worst part". I said several silent prayers and that's what really got me through. They had me scoot myself onto the surgery table. A nurse put a pillow under my knees. The anesthesiologist told me he got the anesthesia going. He told me it would hurt a bit and then i would be off to dream land. I closed me eyes and felt that intense feeling overcome me and that's the last thing i remember.

It felt like no time had passed when i woke up. Andy walked in and sat down next to me. He spoke with the nurse. I felt a huge burden lifted off of me knowing it was done. Andy videoed me in hopes he would get me saying or doing something silly. I disappointed him by being very normal. Slow but normal. I did feel like my nose was abnormally itching. You'll notice in this video.

Now that its over, its healing time, which is quite uncomfortable. Its painful to swallow, talk, and eat soft food. Its uncomfortable, but I don't mind too much. I am kind of enjoying laying in bed and taking it easy. I haven't been able to be this lazy since before Charlie was born so i am trying to enjoy it. 

Being in pain isn't fun. As i was thinking about it i realized these big nasty tonsils were no good so they were cut off! It was a good thing, but the healing still hurts. It makes me think of sin. The Savior tells us that if our hand or foot offends thee, cut it off. When we repent it is good but it will still hurt. It hurts to change our bad habits. Its hard to change things about ourselves. Especially when in today's world they say "its not that bad." My main thing right now is cracking down on TV shows and movies. Its usually a good show until that one tiny inappropriate part sneaks in. Its hard but i find i feel better and cleaner by staying away from shows that are not uplifting. 

Anyway, one day down. Many more to go! They say its a two week recovery. Two weeks until i can eat food again. I've been craving all sorts of stuff like: french toast, eggs, cereal, sandwiches, burritos, pizza...pretty much all food. I do enjoy smoothies, slushies, popsicles, and chicken broth. And for those things i am grateful!

Andy is being a good Dad. Charlie is being a good baby. I love them. I am grateful they have been good. It makes it easier on me.

gratitude, glasses, gospel

I took off my glasses, they were covered in all sorts of smudges and in desperate need of a cleaning. As I took my shirt to polish those very cloudy lenses my eyes glanced upward. I was on a walk with Charlie enjoying the beautiful fall weather. Even with my limited eye sight I could still see the beautiful red leaves covering the mountains around me.

As beautiful as the scenery was, when i put my glasses back on, the details around me were so much more intense. I was reminded of how wonderful glasses are. For when I put them back on, I can see so much more! I can see the details of the trees, how they are separate and distinct. I can see houses hiding all over the mountains. I can see happy faces off in the distance. I can see signs of all sizes. I forget that my vision isn't 20/20...that is until i take my glasses off only to put them back on immediately. 

I know I often mention silly analogies but that's just how my brain works. It was drilled into me as a missionary. I remember my trainer, Sister Winn, giving me meaningless objects to relate to the gospel. I hated doing it! "Fire hydrant" she would say. Then i would stumble through words trying to make some sense of how the gospel was like a fire hydrant. ANYWAY...looks like i do it without thinking now (thanks Sister Winn).

As I was noticing how clear I could see with my glasses on I thought about how the gospel gives me clarity in this world of changing values. My glasses help me see this beautiful world but the gospel of Jesus Christ helps me have a clear vision of my purpose in this life. It gives me a clear view of where I came from, where I am going, and how to get there. It gives me a clear view of how to have joy. There are times where it's like I am taking my glasses off. I get caught up in worldly things, but when I go back to my roots and put those glasses on, my life has peace, hope, joy, love, and fulfillment. I am grateful for glasses and the gospel and how they both help me to see clearly :)

So speaking of things that help us see clearly...General Conference is coming up! The Prophets and Apostles have such a clear vision of our purpose and give so much great council and guidance. I look forward to hear their messages every 6 months!! 

one word: teething

Today was Charlie's worst day teething yet. He had the fever, runny nose, drooling like mad, and crabby as ever symptoms. You obviously can tell by this picture how he is feeling. Poor little guy. I gave him some baby Tylenol which i think helped. He hasn't been cranky ALL day, thankfully! 

As i have been holding him more than an average day i just couldn't help but have a little smile on my face. He's teething. It's not the end of the world. In fact, its really just the beginning. Once those teeth get here the food possibilities are almost endless! So hold on Charlie, something great is waiting for you just around the corner. Too bad he doesn't know that. 

I don't know why, but it seems my mind likes to relate these situations to my own life. I get hurt too. And i complain and whine about it. I imagine my Heavenly Father with a little smile on his face thinking, Hold on Blaire, something great is around the corner. It's not the end of the world. It's actually just the beginning. That gives me comfort and hope. It helps me endure even when it's hard. It helps me to try to focus on the bright side rather than wallowing in my misery. I love that these situations with Charlie teach me lessons about myself. Thanks buddy, i love you! Hang in there! 

the love of a parent

                 I was cleaning out a closet this weekend, trying to get our things a bit more organized when i came across a DVD. I couldn't remember what was on it so i of coarse popped it into the computer to take a look. My sweet Uncle Dave had recorded our wedding: the ring ceremony and luncheon (obviously not the temple part). It was done the old fashion way (a hand held video recorder) which i love, cause really, who does that anymore? I started watching and enjoyed seeing what a year and half does to people. The kids all are much older, friends are now married and home from missions, i know Andy's family a lot better than i did then. The only part i didn't like was seeing myself.  I thought "wow, i sure do have some growing up to do! "
                As i go through my day my thoughts are often about Charlie. When is he going to start crawling? When will he start teething? When is he going to sleep through the night? Charlie has some growing up to do, like me! Just in a different way. I then thought about my Heavenly Father. I bet he thinks about each of us the way i think about Charlie. Except he wonders, "When is Blaire going to overcome that fear? When will she have more courage to share her beliefs? When is she going to learn to think of others and love them more? When is she going to develop this habit? I am so grateful he's patient with me. I'm patient with Charlie because he's just a baby and he'll learn over time. Heavenly Father is patient with me because spiritually i'm just a baby too, trying to figure out how to overcome the natural man.
               I think it's cool that Heavenly Father and i share this thing in common. Now that i know what it's like to be a parent i understand my relationship with God in a much deeper way.

When the lights go out

First of all, It was an absolutely beautiful day yesterday. We sat outside for dinner, all three of us, soaking up the sun! I love it.
One of my favorite things happened last night. Call me crazy but i think it's fun when the power goes out, temporarily of coarse. It went out before the sun was completely down so Andy and I had time to round up flashlights and candles. We soon had to rely on just those things for light. We thought this would be a great time to put together an Emergency kit :) So with our flashlights we went through some of  Andy's camping stuff to find what would be useful in an emergency. We found a water filter, this thing that cooks food (i wish i remember what it was called), a first aide kit, toiletries for on the go, some rope (I said, what would we do with that, Andy replied "make snares to catch stuff" i just laughed) and of coarse a few flashlights. We put them in a bag and now we are ready for an emergency. We did this all in the dark. I was feeling so adventurous in a silly way. I call the bag our Hunger Games bag. If we are ever in a bind we take the bag and run!

Getting ready for bed in the, mostly dark (using our flashlights), was fun too. Everything looks so different when the lights are off and you have just little amounts of light. I noticed things that i hadn't noticed before, like the water spots on the shower door were a lot more visible, shadows made the furniture look different. In a way i felt like i was in a different house. I took this thought and applied it to my life. I get comfortable in life and feel like i am coasting. I like those times and i am happy. Then out of no where i start to struggle or have a challenge of some sort. When that happens i feel like i am left in the dark trying to find my way. Its when i grab some light from my scriptures, prayers, and/or listening to the Prophet that i start to see things in a new perspective. I start to see things i didn't see before and find things i could do better. I find that i become even more HAPPY after one of these challenges because i have overcome something hard. Life is all about that, doing hard things and then growing from it!


P.S. This adorable little boy is doing really well. He is growing, rolling over, smiling, laughing, grabbing, playing, and making lots of noises. He is the funnest thing in the world! I am so glad to be his mom.

Interesting Anaolgy

this is 4 month old Charlie when he has had a good night's rest!

It's interesting that i am getting more sleep at night but my days are getting tougher with Charlie. What i am saying is that he is struggling with nap time. As I keep trying to do what's right for my baby boy and his sleep, I still don't feel satisfied. I read books, search online, and talk to people. I get different advice from everyone! What's even worse is that the advice I get from different sources contradict each other. The experts all have different ideas of how to get your baby to sleep. They say to let him "cry it out", others say that you will lose the trust of you baby by letting him cry so hold him, others say he has to learn to soothe himself, others say he will have more security and confidence if you help him fall asleep, others say it doesn't matter what technique you use as long as you're consistent. So needless to say i am confused with what to do...does this sound like a familiar story? It's odd that i found this silly connection but in church on Sunday it hit me.

The lesson was on personal revelation. I was inspired by it knowing that God cares about what we care about and wants to help us. He doesn't want us to feel lost in the dark. My thoughts immediately went to Charlie and what to do to help him sleep better. I know God cares so i need to ask him for help and he will guide me. As i was thinking about this dilemma during the lesson i suddenly thought, "i feel like Joseph Smith!". If you aren't familiar with his story, i would love to tell you about it. It is so similar to my baby sleep drama but definitively has much more importance and significance.

Joseph Smith grew up in a home that had a strong belief in God. He read the Bible and became very concerned about his soul. He started to attend different churches in search for God's church, the one that held His truth and fullness. But just like me becoming confused with what all the experts are saying about the right way to get a baby to sleep, Joesph became confused with what the different pastor's were teaching. They were contradicting each other and often times the Bible as well. Joseph knew he needed to be baptized but in what church? As he continued to search the scriptures he read a verse in James chapter 1 verse 5. The scripture says, "if any of you lack wisdom lest him ask of God". Joseph knew God would answer his question if he asked. So after preparation he sought a spot in a quiet grove of trees and knelt in prayer to ask God what church to join. Joseph received an answer that day. In his own words this was his experience.

"I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God... I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me...When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!

 My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)—and which I should join."

Isn't that incredible! God personally answered Joseph's inquiry and told him not to join any of the churches. They didn't have the authority of God to perform saving ordinances. This was only the beginning of the great work God had in store! This is often difficult for people to believe. But there is a scripture that says "by their fruits ye shall know them" (Matthew 7:20). That's how i know that Joseph Smith saw what he did. That's how i know that God called him to be a Prophet, just like Moses or Abraham. And you can know too! It's through prayer that we can know the mysteries of God! So search it out... Press on this link to learn more. I love sharing this great message with people. If you have any questions i'd love to talk more about it!

To finish off what i started earlier, no matter how big or small our question may be, God answers. He will help me figure out how to help Charlie sleep. He will bring peace to my mind. He will direct my path. I just have to have faith and patience, and I will keep trying to do my best!