My Testimony of Motherhood

My heart is being filled with added light and truth about who I am and my Divine Nature. Divine Nature is something I have learned about since I was a young woman. But it is not until now, as an adult of 28 years of age, that I am starting to grasp what that really is and who I really am as a daughter of God.

This journey began as a friend of mine recommended and let me borrow a book of hers called, The Gift of Giving Life. She raved about the contents with non-stop excitement. Now in my second trimester of pregnancy i was ready to start reading some good birthing material, as I had already gone through my regular, pregnancy life saving books.

The book opened up my eyes to the depth of my role as a mother, a vehicle in bringing God's spirit children into this life, being a co-creator with him! I am reminded of my patriarchal blessing which talks about my role as a co-creator with Heavenly Father in creating bodies for His spirit children. In my innocence, I saw myself standing next to Him using special powers to create humans and I was like, "Whoa!". When reality hit, or maturity, i realized that the phrase meant i would get pregnant and have babies. The awe i previously felt of that gift faded away and the phrase became very ordinary to me.

Once I became pregnant with my first, I quickly felt like it was a punishment not something to treasure and love. Even in my subsequent pregnancies i felt the feeling of "Why!" "This is too hard" Is this really worth it?" I am currently pregnant with number 3 and during my first 22 weeks of pregnancy i felt like i was in a dark hole. I was unmotivated, sick, and tired...most of the time. I often thought,"This isn't fair to Andy or my children". I felt so unavailable to them. Once I came out of that fog or got through that period of adversity things changed immensely. That's when i started reading my pregnancy books, writing in my journal my feelings of gratitude, and really feeling excited about this baby.

I don't know why some women have to experience such hard pregnancies (i realize some have it much harder than i do). But i do know, that after great tribulation commeth the blessings. I see myself playing a role similar to the Saviors. He sacrificed an infinite sacrifice to give all mankind eternal life! Women sacrifice to bring God's spirit children here to mortal life, that they may have the opportunity to gain eternal life. As women, we play an ESSENTIAL role to God's plan of salvation. I am grateful to know my part in His plan and the worth and value I feel from that.