Baby #3

Baby #3 does not have a name yet because Andy and I have chosen to be abnormal and not find out the gender. When people ask, "Boy or Girl?" And we tell them its a surprise we got nice responses but i feel like inside they are asking, "What in the world are you thinking? Its a surprise either way, now or later." And yes, i do agree with them but we just wanted something different for this pregnancy. I love watching natural birthing video's, or at least i used to before i experienced birth myself :) My favorite ones were the couples who didn't know the gender and finding out at the moment the child emerges. They got me every time and I would have tears running down my face. It was special. I also feel like it will be nice to have an extra motivator through labor, wondering and anticipating that moment. I have also enjoyed not feeling the pressure of getting all the "boy or girl" things ready. I love pulling out white and yellow and orange onsies and just being excited about a baby coming to us. I have a name ready for either gender that comes and i will be so happy to use whichever name it happens to be. Dean or Eden.

The kids have been so excited about the baby. Olive often kisses my belly and tells me she will hold the baby. Charlie tells me he will be a good brother and will hold the baby and be my helper. We pulled out some of the baby clothes recently and both Olive and Charlie dressed their stuffed animals and carried them around like babies. I love how excited they are for the baby!

Rebecca, my midwife, came today for a home visit. She handed off all the supplies we will need for the birth. We went through a checklist of all the things to be ready and honestly, i was just feeling overwhelmed and nervous. There is so much i want to do and prepare but don't feel like i have the physical or emotional strength to carry them out. So my to do list keeps getting longer and meanwhile when my "energy bursts" come hopefully i can accomplish what needs to be done.

I have excited days of thinking about laboring for this little one and i have scared days of thinking about the work it takes to bring a human into this life. But when all is said and done it really is just a moment. I know my body will handle this birth with great care. I know i can manage the discomforts of labor because i have done it twice! I know that labor is a mental game and i just need to stay positive and relax. Breath in peace and Breath out Love!