Bringing up Bebe

I don't remember exactly what triggered my need for a good parenting book. Except that Charlie and I are, at times, butting heads. I had been feeling lost, confused, and distraught with how to be a good parent. I don't think I'm a bad mom...I just know I have A LOT to improve on. Each child is different and I feel that about Charlie. He is his own self. 

So one day during nap time, I went onto Audible, my new form of "reading", and searched through the parenting books. One quickly caught my eye and I went with it, "Bringing up Bebe". 

The American author, Pamela Duckerman, married a British man and they ended up living in France. The book is about her experiences and observations with French parenting. It's clear that they do things differently than we do here in America. 

Although, I do recognize I can't take her words with 100% value. I see Americans doing things the "French" way. For example my sister. She enforces no snacks and strict meal time. (I'm a different story because those are my weaknesses and now my children's weaknesses.)

The author talks about the French as if they walk on water and Americans are a bunch of helicopter parenting slobs. I learned that I had to put that all aside and focus on the principles she was sharing. 

Here are the main take aways i got from the book: 

1. Children gain confidence through autonomy. It's important to let children be separate from you. Allow them away time like a weekend with the grandparents or an overnight field trip. I was shocked about the day care system in France. It's considered a great profession and takes a tedious process to become a day care worker. 

2. She talked about how French mothers still dress like women. I'm guilty of staying in my comfy clothes all day. Or choosing outfits for comfort rather than to look nice. I should take better care of me. 

3. Most French women have careers. I always wanted a career as a mother. I now have one. As good and worthy and important my job is I still need to be growing and learning outside of my children. I need more balance.

4. They have a "pause" rule. Whenever your baby/child cries, pause. See if they can work through their challenge before rushing to their aide. Babies/Children can learn if we let them. 

5. Allow children quiet time to play alone. This tip has lifted a huge burden of guilt. In the past I have tried to engage my kids every second of the day. I no longer feel guilty doing my hair, taking a shower, answering a few emails, or fixing dinner. It teaches them good skills to play on their own. 

Many other things were shared. Things I agreed with and things I didn't, for example the baby delivery scene is like going to the DMV. You do it their way. And nursing is looked down on. Weird! 

It is a different culture in France. I feel like this book really widened my perspective about parenting. It showed me another point of view and I like that. I really enjoyed reading (actually listening) to this book. I plan to go back to it again and again to refresh my outlook on parenting.